Reflections: If Grace is True

Recently I've felt a nudge to publish some journal entries previously kept private or shared with a few like-minded friends. This reflection, written a few months ago is one of those pieces.
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I've just finished reading the book, If Grace Is True: Why God Will Save Every Person, by Philip Gulley and James Mulholland, for the third time! I've been asking myself a question . . . what is it about my own experience that makes the message of the book so compelling to me?

As a child, I heard mixed messages--I heard "God is love", sang "Jesus loves me" and "Jesus loves the little children of the world" but I also heard sermons about hell and damnation for those who didn't accept Jesus as their Savior, who didn't believe [i.e., as we believed, didn't have the truth, as we did]. I could never quite understand why, if love were stronger than hatred, if we were to overcome evil with good, as we nonresistant Mennonites were taught, why we continued to promote salvation using fear, proclaiming the terrors of hell, offering escape from eternal torment rather that inviting people to experience the goodness of God. It didn't make sense to me.

As a young adult who passionately and without reservation recommitted my life to following Jesus, I began to encounter these tensions again. I read the Bible from cover to cover numerous times. In my attempt to take Jesus' life and work seriously, to apply it faithfully to my own life, I seemed constantly bumping into those Christians who would explain away what I sensed in my spirit as truth, who would limit love and grace, making it more practical and somewhat conditional. For a period of time, in my sincerity, I read the Bible as literal truth, but something didn't "feel" right in my spirit, something about it became legalistic, quenching the Spirit within me. ["for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life" 2 Cor 3:6b]

For many years I held in tension Biblical authority (which was actually church authority--the traditional interpretation of church leaders) and what my own heart--what I believe to be the inner voice of the Spirit--was nudging me to acknowledge about the implications of God as Love, God as Grace. These nudgings shaped how I felt about those with a different lifestyle than mine, it even shaped my parenting . . . I longed for my children to make good choices based on love and an inner sense of what was right, rather than out of fear of punishment, or "because I said so."

My studies of the history of the church with its fights and splits, the history of how the canon, our Bible, was selected amidst power struggles, in tandem with my own observation of the misuse of power and authority by some church leaders today, led me to adjust my understanding of scripture. No longer can I hold my childhood view that God dictated scripture, nor do I ascribe to a doctrine of inerrancy as do fundamentalists. The Biblical texts are no less sacred, however. As the story of God's interaction in history recorded throughout a long period of time, these texts hold within them the truth and wisdom of God, as understood and interpreted by inspired, yet fallible humans. The Bible tells of the nature and work of God as revealed in the life and teachings of Christ. Its words become life-giving when interpreted by the living Spirit. I believe that wisdom and truth continue to be revealed by the Spirit to those who truly seek God with their whole heart.

With this understanding, I began to test and weigh the insights of scripture, using the filter of Jesus' life and teachings along with my own experiences and the resonance of the Spirit within me. I began, slowly, to trust my own sense of who God is. A serious study of other major religions brought the shocking awareness that there are persons in each with a devout commitment to discovering spiritual truth, and to practicing a life of peace, love and forgiveness. What could it mean when non-Christians live a life more Christlike than some who openly and stridently profess to being born again?

More and more, I've been drawn by God's love, grace and mercy, as taught and modeled by Jesus. It is the way to joyful living and the influence that I want to guide my decisions and how I view and treat others. In this process, I've had to make room for the unknown, for God as Mystery. I acknowledge that there are many things I just don't know, but in letting go of my need to know, I have experienced a new level of inner peace, of living with questions rather than having all the answers, of trusting that "all shall be well."

Some of these ideas have been taking shape within my spirit for years, mostly unspoken, or hidden within my journals. They were difficult for me to articulate with clarity, nor did they seem safe to discuss in family or church circles, since some of the ideas do not represent orthodox theology. When this book "found" me (and yes, I believe when our lives are led by God's Spirit, certain books and experiences "find" us at the needful time!) it was like meeting kindred spirits and fellow seekers who were putting on paper what my own spirit had been wrestling with for quite some time.

Through these words, the Spirit spoke to me, confirmed some of my perspective, and challenged me to consider some new interpretations of familiar passages of scripture, new ideas about grace beyond what I had imagined. A more complete understanding of God's grace for all people not only frees me from the bondage and exclusiveness of an "us and them" paradigm, it compels me to live according to this understanding, not limiting God's grace to a chosen few, but extending it to all, inviting all people to come to God's table, trusting that it is this love and grace that will overcome the barriers to relationship with God and will draw people to repentance, to turn away from former things, to live as Jesus did.

I do not presume to have a corner on truth, nor can I say with certainty that I'll always believe exactly as I do now. My beliefs have been an unfolding journey, and I am committed to remaining open to new leadings of God's Spirit. This book, however, is a pretty good representation of my current understanding of the implications of God's love and grace.
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