A Story of Letting Go

Or, alternatively, "How it happened that I once bought a gun for Larry"

I recently told this story to some friends, who encouraged me to publish it on my blog. So here goes.

You must know, of course, that I'm pretty straight forward and not the storyteller some of my friends are. Most of my stories include elements of personal growth. This one is no exception....personal growth and "letting go" but not without elements of humor and irony.

You must also realize how much I detest guns and how difficult it was for me to accept Larry's devotion to hunting. Experiencing the hunting culture of his family and community was quite a shock to me. And so every year, as Larry would take off to the mountains, leaving me at home with children and
animals, I would struggle with resentment and frustration.

Often, of course, something would go wrong while he was gone. Pipes would freeze, animals would get out. Two different years our golden retriever (I'm not a dog lover, so this was HIS dog in my mind) went up to the neighbor's and bit their dog (in our dog's defense, the neighbor's dog was an ugly little thing that probably resembled a ground hog to him). Nevertheless, I struggled with my attitude year after year as Larry would meticulously pack, and by the time he'd finally get out the door I'd be boiling inside.

It didn't help, I suppose, that I would hear stories that just inflated my impressions that hunting takes precedence over EVERYTHING else. For instance, many years ago, one local man was up at his cabin for a couple weeks when one of his sons was born, and his wife sent him a POSTCARD to inform him!

One year, (nearly 20 years ago, I suppose, because the kids were all still at home) I was determined to get past this road block, and so I sat and journaled awhile. Journaling has always brought helpful insights to the fore for me. I came to realize that it wasn't the hunting that bothered me so much, but what it stood for to me....the great white hunter, male privilege, being taken for granted, and the like. Then I
began to compare that list with who Larry actually is, what it is about hunting that is important to him: spending time away with his dad and uncles, (now it's his brothers, sons and grandsons!) just being out in the woods, and yes, a successful hunt and the
resulting venison. I also realized that he had done his best to take care of things here before he left. I also knew that to love someone is to free them to be who they are, not who we would want them to be . . .on and on, you get the picture.

Anyway, I determined that I would let go of my frustrations, let go of expectations, and "let" Larry be who he is and appreciate him for who he is (not that he was going to change anyway!!). So, then, what action could I take to symbolize this shift? How about I buy him a gun for Christmas? That would be a huge surprise! The more I thought about it the more excited I became. Again, not that it was a gun, but the message buying a gun for him would carry. So I asked Reuben what gun his dad would want, and he immediately said, "He's always wanted a .22 Hornet like Grandpa had."

Okay, so I went out to the Trop Gun Shop and sheepishly told the guys there that I knew nothing about guns but that I wanted to buy a .22 Hornet for my husband. I ended up with a Browning. I think they said it was the Cadillac. Whatever. They were quite impressed with me, though, and expressed some envy of Larry. I think they thought I am a pretty
special wife!

Of course, I had to buy the gun in my name, and along with that came a 6 month complementary membership in the NRA! The boys still like to tease me about that.

Larry was surprised and happy. And I've remained free from all the negative stuff that had clung to me for so many years. Here's some more irony. It always seemed that Larry was gone so long, at least a day
longer than he should have been. Now, when I don't care, he often comes home a day sooner than he had originally planned.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!


-- Post From My iPhone